White Swan
by MonroesFigure
Summary: Bella has been punishing herself for her past by drifting aimlessly and alone. Her past is rearing it's ugly head, but her present isn't much better. AU and a few OOC.


**Disclaimer: Psssst... I'm not really SM, I'm just pretending!**

**AN: I have a big mouth, so I'mma gonna bug you with my thoughts. I was trying to work on the New Pack, but this idea kept nagging at me. It's AU and OOC for many characters. But I likes it. I hope you do too.I was bouncing along to Staedler and Waldorf: Mode In Mind while I was writing this. Move with me!  
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**Prologue**

So tiny. I had this image of what he would look like when he grew up. Of the milestones I would witness with my boyfriend. I imagined so many things. But now that he was here, I felt shock, disbelief, fear, guilt, disappointment and love. This wasn't how it was supposed to turn out.

**Chapter 1**

I had a nice family and came from a good if only divorced home. I found out that I wasn't very nice and definitely wasn't good. When I ran, I found out a good many things about myself and none of them were good.

"Yeah, I'm locked out of my car, could you send someone to unlock it for me?" I asked over the pay-as-you-go cell angling myself carefully away from the camera closer to the store.

"Yes ma'am, can you tell me the number on your AAA membership card please?"

"Four-two-nine. Three-two-six. Eight-three-three-four-one-three-seven-nine-seven. Five. Expiration date June sixth, twenty-fifteen." I had watched the vehicle pulling into the parking lot and waited patiently for the man to get out of the car.

"Thank you ma'am and the name on the card is?"

"Vanessa Wolfe." I tacked on the address I had memorized quickly and scratched onto my wrist with the ballpoint pen earlier.

"Thank you ma'am. Can you tell me where you are and the licence plate please?"

"Walmart parking lot at the five-ten and highway five in Olympia. It's a black GTO, licence plate three-three-seven, KYJ." The driver exited the vehicle finally. I was intimidated for a moment by his sheer size but reminded myself that I wouldn't have to deal with him. I watched him walk to the store and enter it. Broad shouldered and tall, he was a beast. I shuddered feeling as though a shadow had passed over my grave. Looking up at the sky, to see there would be more of the fantastic rainy Seattle weather creating a very real shadow. Of course I wouldn't have to deal with him later.

"Thank you ma'am. We have someone near by, should take them less than fifteen minutes. Is there anything else I can help you with today?"

"Nope, that's it thank you so much!" I grinned widely to help my smile come through on the other end of the line. I was slumped back against a green minivan feeling the tension leave me. I never had figured out how to unlock a car door, but tow trucks were so helpful with this.

"You're welcome. Thank you for calling AAA and have a nice day!" The representative chirped over the phone. I hung up and walked over to the GTO and began to act out my anxious pacing, Walmart bag in hand. The rain began to come down and I smirked. The tow truck driver would probably spend less time watching and talking to me in the rain. A few customers threw me curious looks but were ultimately more interested in their own lives.

I saw the top of a tow truck over the top of car roofs near the entrance and it hadn't even been five minutes. Thank fucking God, if that blond brute came out early this could get ugly. Note for future reference, look inside the car at the driver before picking a car. Just in case they ever return prematurely.

A middle aged man emerged from the tow truck. "Hey, what's that on your arm?" I paused from my anxious walk to show my hero some personal attention.

"A tattoo." He answered gruffly.

"Yeah, I just thought it looked neat." I expressed my hurt reaction and his face softened.

"Just my old call sign. Nice car." He eyed the GTO.

"Thanks, it's my Dad's." I grinned slyly, hoping for the love of all that was holy that he didn't ask me what year it was or any of its specs. I relied on the smile to disarm him. Hopefully. I'd heard I had charming and mischievous down to a science. I should hope so, I'd spent a large chunk of time mastering it. This wasn't... me. This was a version of me that kept me busy, kept me off the radar. My family might looking for me. But I didn't want to be found.

"Let's see if we can't get you out of here." He said looking up at the rain misting gently on us now but picking up momentum.

The parking lot was reasonably busy and most faces gave us short curious glances. But others were busy with their own thoughts. Minivans, trucks and SUV's clambered to park close to the front doors. Shopping carts were dumped unceremoniously in parking spaces and the carrel was left mostly empty.

It only took a moment before the car door swung open. I quickly released the trunk and stuffed my walmart bags in there, throwing it closed quickly.

"Thank you so much!" I beamed at the tow truck driver. He waved me off looking a little embarrassed by the attention and quickly shuffled off to his truck.

I wasn't comfortable with my skill at getting cars open without drawing attention to myself. But I was confident that I knew how to hot wire a car. Mike had taught me without thinking that I would ever use the information. Probably just showing off that he knew how to at the I was grateful all the same. The car started up without any problems and purred happily for me. Safer than hitch hiking. Next stop, drive through bank machine. Some lady had done me a huge favour earlier. She had made a purchase using her bank card in the store, I'd just caught the sound of her four digit password. Then she'd put her wallet down while loading her purchases into her cart. I snagged the bank card, AAA card and peeked at the driver's licence discretely while I pulled my purchases out of four bags and put them into just two bags. This was after I had requested the items each be given their own bag to buy me time at the end of the register.

I crossed my fingers that she hadn't gone to use her bank card yet. People took longer to react when a couple of cards were missing and not the entire wallet.

A moment of guilt threatened to come down on me but I brought up the corrogated metal sheet and shoved hard against it. Don't think too deeply. Don't feel too deeply. Just remember that I deserve whatever shit comes at me.

The car drove like a dream. I enjoyed the feel of the gear stick in my hand and the seat vibrating below my core. I should hot wire cars more often. The scenary passed and a feeling of freedom gave me a moment of reprieve.

The bank machine read three thousand in the account. I was tempted to take a full thousand or drain it completely. But guilt was my back-seat driver and I bowed only so far as to take five hundred. That was bad enough. I wonder which was stronger. The guilt or the regrets?

I passed a sleazy motel on the way to Port Angeles, deciding it looked as good a place as any to stay the night. I pulled into an overgrown driveway half a mile down the road and parked some distance into the trees and popped the trunk. To my surprise, the trunk contained guns and knives. My heart skipped a beat and I felt it accelerate. I'd probably knocked off the wrong guy's car. But no matter now. What's done was done. I pulled my purchases out of the walmart bags and put them into my back pack that had been in the walmart bag too. Carrying the back pack it was too obvious that I was homeless. It was a constant battle to be homeless but not to look homeless.

Walking through the woods keeping close to the road, I headed for the motel. It advertised color tv's and ice. Awesome sauce. Why didn't they advertise beds while they're at it? I rolled my eyes and edged around to the back. Sneaking up to the window I peeked at the board where the keys hung, while the guy at the desk sat reading a car magazine. Room nineteen was unoccupied. The place closed in two hours. I'd wait it out sitting in the trees.

The sun set behind the clouds lacking awe and glory. Depressing, cold, lonely, wet and boring. I hummed to myself. I recited a dance from ballet from when I was little. But after stumbling over simple moves on the uneven ground for the third time, I decided I'd better quit before I hurt myself. I wanted to read some Austin, but I didn't want my book to get wet, so I left it inside it's sandwich bag tucked safely away in my back pack. I sat trying not to think, until the open sign turned off. I waited for more lights to turn out before creeping out to the weed littered parking lot and used my card to unlock the cheap door.

The room smelled of wood and dust. And... something else. What was it? I probably didn't want to know. I took the door stop and wedged it under the door so that it wouldn't open if someone tried to open it from outside while I was still here. Then I took the most glorious hot shower even though it was in the dark. Only a slight light from leaving the bathroom door open illuminated the bathroom. I didn't draw the curtains closed or turn on lights or the tv; so that anyone passing by who might know that this room wasn't occupied, wouldn't see anything out of the ordinary. Just a black room. Better safe than sorry.

The alarm on my phone was set for five in the morning and I went to sleep on top of the blankets, ready to wake and leave quickly. I was so tired, it only took a few minutes for me to pass out.

I woke up shivering and the sound of the alarm lightly buzzing by my ear. I had enough adrenalin from my usual dreams to wake up easily enough. Echoes of a newborn's cries chasing me as I sprinted through hospital corridors opened the floodgate of emotions and I choked back a sob. I'm a bitch, I don't have any right to cry. The best thing I could do was keep moving and leave everyone alone. And yet here I was, dangerously close to home. Why did I do this to myself? Why did I wander too close to home for comfort every few months? What right did I have to wonder how they were doing? I felt so guilty and regretful and angry with myself. So stupidly weak! But I ran from my thoughts. That's what I was good at. Running away.

There was already a man outside, so I didn't have the option of going through the front door. My bag was ready to go. So I brushed my teeth quickly before climbing out the back window under the subtle early morning light illuminating the clouds. The distance to get to the cover under the heavy canopy of the woods wasn't too far. What little day light there was outside the hotel was heavily dimmed by three hundred foot tall douglas firs. Ancient and unyielding they stood in judgement over the wretched creatures standing in awe below. Myself included. Somehow they knew what I had done. They knew how undeserving of life I was. Why didn't I have the decency to do the right thing or do the world a favour and off myself? Because my instinct to live wanted to punish me.

It wasn't far back to the car. I opened the trunk and examined one of the guns. I wasn't very familiar with guns, so I held it gingerly in my hands directing the barrel away from me at all times while checking the serial number. Too my dismay, the serial number had been scratched off the metal handle.

For a moment my body almost flew back and threw the gun in the trunk. But sanity overruled and I put it carefully back in the trunk. Without much deliberation I decided right there and then that I was dumping the car on my next stop in Port Angeles.

Unfortunately, Port Angeles would never come soon enough. Near the mountain hemlocks intruding menacingly around me, an old yellow mustang sped up behind me. The sky brooded begrudgingly opening up the dark clouds that had been gathering all day. I flipped on the wipers. We were speeding downhill from a large peak and I had a nagging feeling that this wasn't just another car coming up behind me. The mustang began honking at me before whipping around me, ignoring the double yellow lines. I imagined a car travelling in the opposite lane coming at us at any moment. The same blond brute from the walmart was sitting in the passenger seat watching me through rage filled eyes. My stomach dropped and I could feel my hands shaking from the adrenalin pulsing through me. His murderous eyes tore into me before he raised a gun at me.

I slammed on the breaks and screeched behind them into a small gravel lane way winding deeper into the mountains. I couldn't believe that I didn't flip the car or lose control in the process. It was probably the first miracle that I had ever witnessed. It was either a driveway or laneway, but it was much more bumpy than this car was designed to go on. The hard rain stopped as quickly as it had started, just enough to make the ground muddy. I tore down the lane and looked up into the rear view mirror to see that they hadn't made it into the lane yet. Slamming the car down into a ditch I hoped for the best. The car slowed down drastically before tanking into a huge spruce.

The seat belt cut into my shoulder and knocked the breath out of me. But I couldn't afford to take a moment to recover. I had to keep moving. I threw the door open and ran looking over my shoulder to make sure that the car wasn't too easy to see from the gravel lane. My feet were moving without telling them too. Instinct took over and I was running up steep terrain grasping at roots for leverage. Move! Move! Move! I felt like I was floating and detached from my body as hot liquid shot through my veins. It had been months since I had been this scared.

I didn't hear the mustang pull up the lane. I didn't hear the mustang pass by. I didn't hear the mustang return. And I definitely didn't hear the furious men start running up the steep terrain.

A voice screeched when a bullet glanced off a large trunk near my head. Birds ripped out of the trees squawking indignantly. "Stop!" A man yelled at me. I moved faster still and didn't stop to consider that it was my voice that had screamed first. "Get back here you fucking bitch!" The battle cry bellowed. My hearing picked up and I could hear them digging into the muddy seventy degree slant up the mountain behind me. I took a large rock and threw it down at them and desperately flailed for handle holds in the soggy soil. Not enough roots.

"Shit!" A male voice cursed dodging the rock and the sound of slipping a short distance reached me.

A lump in my throat had developed and heat was rising on my cheeks and under my eyes. They were getting closer. Two hulking masses of muscle were going to murder me! _I'm dead! I'm dead! I'm dead!_ A loud crack struck a rock by hand and pieces flew apart cutting into my skin. The crack echoed hauntingly with my strangled scream following closely behind.

A hand closed around my ankle cleaving my body from the incline sharply down, turned me over and between a dangerous form and muddy ground. An irate face met only two inches from my face. "Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!" I whimpered in a high strangled prayer. Even now, I didn't think to pray to any God.

"Hey baby," he sneered at me, his breathing only a little heavy compared to my coarse fight for oxygen. I recoiled from him but had nowhere to go. He hadn't given me any latitude against his colossal size. At five foot six inches against his six foot one inch, it became abundantly clear that I was at a disadvantage. He looked to be pushing two hundred pounds and I was just one hundred and twenty pounds. I really screwed up this time. Suicide by gang banger? Or whatever the hell he was. Maybe he had 'roid rage? "You better have the money to tow my car and smooth it out." His blue eyes viciously attempted to burn right through me.

"I've got seven hundred." I managed to say in a clear but tight voice.

His hand wrapped around my collar dragging my neck and in turn my face ever closer to his livid blue eyes. I wasn't even away I could be any closer to his body. I struggled to lean away from him. "Not even close to enough money. I'm gonna blow your fucking brains out you stupid bitch." He said in dangerously low, scratchy tone. "But first I'm going to mutilate your tight little body like you did to my car." His right hand came up and his companion produced a large switch blade. My eyes widened further still in fear.

Fast movements and my shirt was slit open like a fish about to be gutted. My chest felt so tight I couldn't breath and I couldn't explain how I managed to hold back the tears.

"Let her go." A baritone miraculously spoke up. The three of us turned to look another well built man dressed in only jean shorts. Was my world being invaded by iron pressing giants? I was too grateful for someone stepping in to focus on anything more about his presence. The hand throttling my collar around my neck eased slightly, but didn't release me.

"Or what?" The companion folded his arms as we were balanced on the slope, gently tapping the gun against his bicep. I was tempted to burst into tears and let myself melt into a blubbering mess, but I wasn't sure if I could anyway. My body felt divided from my will.

"One last warning." He repeatedly slowly. "Let her go."

A long moment passed as they sized each other. The two men didn't want to take on the Good Samaritan. They only had anger for me. Was their anger towards me worth another body for the police to attempt to trace to them? "Don't waste your effort on this one. She's a liar and a thief." The blond spat maliciously. He was right on his money.

"Last I checked that wasn't a capital offense. Come on guys, let's try talking about this." The stranger encouraged as amused by the whole situation. What an asshole!

The knife waved in front of my nose, shinning in the gloomy daylight. "Let's talk about how she stole my GTO and slammed it into a tree."

The new guy winced and looked over at me. I avoided his eyes. He pressed his fingers to his temple and rubbed as though to ease away the tension. "Ouch, I understand you're angry but this is too much don't you think?"

The blond watched her thoughtfully. "Hadn't decided if I was actually going to kill her or not. But definitely gonna scare the living shit out of her."

I never saw the stranger move and neither did my attackers. Because they were just as shocked as I was when the stranger was suddenly standing by us, one hand on the wrist holding the knife and the other snatching the gun away. "Let go of the knife." He urged the blond. Their eyes locked together in silent battle.

Finally the blond man relented.

"I suggest you leave now."

"I want compensation!" The Native American laughed and looked reproachfully at the man. "Dude, calm down. You threatened to mutilate her. I don't want to see you around here again. Send a tow truck after your car. Cool?" They stared him down and an exchange happened before my eyes that I didn't really understand. Reluctantly nodding their heads, they backed away. This guy had to have balls of steel. How the hell did he do that?

I watched them climb back down the slippery, muddy slope quietly. I took a deep breath as some of the tension left my body. "Thanks." I muttered to the man. I wasn't sure how thankful I really was. It might have been more fitting if I had died. My body was a cage for my mind, keeping me alive to feel deep guilt, regret and shame. Fear of facing the ocean of despair drove me to keep moving. The truth was: death would be my release, but I deserved to live caged inside my body. I used the same old techniques to elbow back my feelings back. My back-seat drivers.

I could hear the freak sniffing the air. Why was with this guy?

I pretended I didn't hear that and began trekking back down the slope.

"Where are you going? Need to call someone to come and get you?" I laughed humourlessly and ignored his question. My cell phone was in my back pack and who the hell would I call out here to get me? I didn't know anyone who liked me enough to come and get me. As soon as he was out of view, I planned to get my back pack from the car and calling a taxi. If those guys were still there, I was going to have to leave my bag, tie the front of my shirt together and hitch hike. Great, hitch hiking with my breasts hanging out of my shirt. Who wouldn't mistake me for a Lot Lizard?

"They didn't aim directly at you. You're lucky." I looked down at the cut on my hand and frowned. I muttered that it looked like a gun to me, under my breath continuing down the slope. I had climbed a lot higher than I realized. "Are you sure you want to go back the same way you came? I think they're waiting around for a tow truck."

"Then I'm screwed!" I bit out in frustration still climbing. "This is the only way back to the road." Or a shirt that didn't open all the way down the front. I didn't bother looking at him. Instead, I numbed my mind with thoughts of the scent of the cool rainforest. Of course, such thoughts were interrupted by the realization that I was sniffing like the freaky native guy had. Either he wasn't that strange or I was taking the psycho path in life. Wouldn't be a first.

Watching me climb down he blew out a long sigh of one who was being put out. "Give me your hand. I'll get you out of here." He didn't wait for me to respond, already taking my hand and gave me a solid grip to help me back down the slippery terrain. His skin was so hot. It was then that I noticed the warm colour of his skin, his dark brown eyes focusing on the ground where I should be looking too, his charcoal hair and muscled hips appearing above his low hung shorts. Maybe I could rope in into hitch hiking with me, I thought wickedly. He could pull in the sort of coin I wasn't willing to earn myself. A part of me wanted to slap myself for being so cold.

His assistance was efficient and I was soon on more even ground. I could just make out the GTO through the brush and pursed my lips and frowned at the sight. Yeah, even from here that looked worse than I thought it would.

"Thanks..." I said softly and a little more appreciatively. I could understand why they were upset with me. He gave a curt nod.

"Where now?" His voice was soft and quiet. Probably so the guys wouldn't hear us.

"I don't know." I whispered and answered more honestly than I would ever usually. A rooky mistake. Who knew what game he was playing? "They took their ride back. Don't suppose you could get my stuff from the GTO? My back pack is in there and I'm gonna need a shirt." I looked down at my cut shirt. He looked mildly embarrassed and traipsed off in the direction of the GTO.

I hugged myself and sat on a branch while I waited. I hated waiting. It was time that caused me to think. I didn't want to think. Thinking never went well. I decided to sing a crappy ninety's dance tune. It was harder to remember the words than I expected.

He appeared with my back pack in hand and a small smile on his lips.

"What?" I asked surly and snatched my back pack from him. Looking inside I found a long sleeve, nondescript shirt. I looked up at him moving to take my shirt off. He got the message and turned around while I took my damaged shirt off and replaced it with a fresh one. He turned back around just as I was straightening the sleeves.

Slinging the back pack over my shoulder we stood there in silence watching each other. Unsure what should happen next. I didn't feel comfortable letting him know that I planned to hitch hike, but I sort of liked having him around. I guess he grew on me. I must be getting soft.

"What happens now?" He had the same question I had. Not wanting to lie, I lifted my shoulders and opened my mouth to say something. But I had nothing to tell him. So I dropped my shoulders and closed my mouth. I didn't feel like telling anymore lies today. I'd just had too much drama. "You got somewhere to sleep?"

I shook my head and he frowned.

"Wanna stay with me? Well, it's not my place. But I'm sure Sam won't mind."

"I don't even know your name." I scoffed rubbing the side of my face. Not to mention Sam probably wouldn't appreciate me in his house. The odds were high that I was going to rip them off.

"Brady." He offered me his right hand.

I assessed him carefully. I shook his hand and couldn't resist yet another lie. "Vanessa. Sure you want me in your place after these guys just ousted me as a thief and a liar?" I bit down my lip fighting a smile. I should at least foreshadow for him what was probably going to happen. He seemed like a nice guy. Brady bent his head so it was almost like he was looking up at me as he gave an amused smile.

"Do I get to pat you down before you leave?"

I couldn't help laughing at his question. "Nope."

"You're not making a good case for why I should have you stay the night."

"I don't have a good case for why I should stay the night." I don't have a good case for why I should stay on this planet. I swallowed down the lump in my throat.

He looked concerned again. "You need to sleep somewhere tonight. Hang on." He didn't give me a chance to point out that I could use a hotel before he pulled a cell phone out of his shorts and made a call. I hated to spend money when I didn't have to. But what was waiting for me there? Was it going to be an ambush? Did he rescue me from those assholes just so he could screw me over himself. For a split second an image of a nondescript rape and me pregnant months later came up. I shuddered at the thought. No. I didn't want to believe that. He seemed to nice. A voice in the back of my head reared her ugly head. _That's how the pimps start out. You've watched one operate before, of course he's really nice._ I shoved her ugly thoughts aside and touched a large sitka spruce, running my hand around the large trunk looking straight up at the giant. Somehow, absent of fear made the giant seem much less foreboding.

"No signal here. We're going to have to get closer to town." Brady's words cut my thoughts short when he offered his hand to me and began to lead me away.

We talked as we walked through the woods. Well, he talked. I listened and asked questions occasionally. He told me about his family and school friends. Yeah, school friends. He looked like he was in his mid-twenties but he was only fifteen years old. I was three years older than him. Somehow, he was pretty mature for a sixteen year old boy. I felt guilty over my cynical thoughts about him earlier. He was easy to listen to, with stories of funny antics he and his friends got into and impressions of people he knew around his reservation.

By the time he managed to get a signal on his phone, I felt like I really knew him. Like he was actually my friend. It would be hard stealing any money off him to get out of here. I had drifted far too close to home. I didn't even want to imagine what reaction Mike or Charlie would have. Would they want me locked up? Would they scream at me and want me to leave immediately? Or worse still, would they forgive me? The fact that La Push was so close to Forks wasn't helping my nerves. Way too close for comfort. But I wouldn't let him know that I had any familiarity with La Push or the surrounding area. So I kept my thoughts to myself. Nagging thoughts told me that if I was smart, I would catch a ride to the nearest motel and ask me to leave me there. And nagging thoughts asked how he got here from La Push if he didn't have a ride already? But it seemed rude to ask when he was being so nice.

My feet were killing me. I was sore and tired and I felt drained by the whole day. Brady offered to carry me, but it didn't feel right having a fifteen year old boy carry me. He was already carrying my back pack.

I still wasn't entirely convinced that he was only fifteen. He was over six foot tall and built like a tank. I didn't think it was possible but he assured me that he was weight training. I figured that he must be very committed.

Given that my feet were aching, he had mercy on me and we waited at the side of the road for an hour and a half for his friend to get there.

His friend pulled up in an old truck and grunted hello. Brady gave me a reassuring smile. The ride around the mountains was made easier by Brady's chatter. Each mile we passed filled me with more dread. I sat in between him and his friend, Paul, who didn't talk. He literally growled when Brady tried to change the station from classic rock, but otherwise didn't give us any leeway.

I slid down hiding in my seat as we drew close to Forks. Brady asked me about it and Paul raised an eyebrow. I gave them a wan smile as my only answer. Brady was kind enough to change the subject. Paul grumbled incoherently. I sat back up when I saw we were leaving Forks.

Eventually, we drove up a gravel road; I waited with foreboding. Now what?

**AN: I'm bugging you again. What do you think? I have some ideas where I want this to go but I am currently working on the New Pack. If there's enough interest, I'll keep going with this one as well. **


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